Complete With Water Slide
by lawnmowerelf
Summary: Fitz Kreiner has been kidnapped...again.


Fitz groaned as he slowly returned to consciousness, trying to figure out just where he was without opening his eyes. He couldn't hear the familiar sounds of the TARDIS, and no one had rushed over to see how he was feeling once it was clear that he was no longer unconscious so it was entirely likely that he was alone and the Doctor probably had no idea of where he was.

Of course, the Doctor could also be lying unconscious and bleeding to death two feet away for all Fitz knew at the moment. And it was that thought that convinced him to ignore the pounding in his head and at least try to open his eyes.

He slowly cracked his left eye open, breathing a quiet sigh of relief when he realized that the room he was in was just light enough for him to see without causing him any undue pain. The right eye followed a moment later, and Fitz found himself staring up at a rather fancy looking ceiling, at least as far as ceilings went. However, since the ceiling wasn't providing any of the answers he needed, Fitz carefully turned his head to the side.

There was still no sign of the Doctor, which was somewhat worrying, especially since Fitz still had no idea just how he'd wound up wherever he was or why he'd been unconscious in the first place. In fact, all Fitz could see was an empty room: nothing but a bedside table, a rather ornate lamp, a large gilded mirror hanging on the far wall, and a single over-stuffed chair that was currently holding his leather jacket.

Since turning his head hadn't caused it to explode, or anything else similarly unpleasant, Fitz decided to try sitting up. The bed he was lying on was a little on the squishy side so his hands kept sinking into the mattress and he nearly lost his balance and toppled to the floor twice, but eventually he managed to get himself mostly upright.

Fitz had just decided to get really ambitious and try standing when the door opened and an odd looking alien scurried inside, closing the door behind itself.

"Oh, hello. I'm so glad that you're awake. I was afraid that they had given you a little too much challa." The alien frowned apologetically. "We're not used to visitors of your species, so we had to estimate the dosage. I do hope that it hasn't caused any unpleasant side effects."

For a long moment, all Fitz could do was stare. The alien, and Fitz still wasn't sure if it was male or female even after it spoke, was about a head shorter than an average human and looked like some sort of rodent, possibly a hamster. It was also wearing a very posh business suit with a matching waistcoat and tie and carrying a clipboard.

Eventually, Fitz managed to pull his attention away from the alien's appearance and reengage his brain. "Um, excuse me, but where am I? And where's the...my traveling companion?"

He'd been so off balance that he'd almost called the Doctor by name, which he'd learned wasn't always a good idea when dealing with strange aliens, especially ones that had apparently drugged and kidnapped him. Saying that the Doctor had something of a reputation was a bit like saying that Daleks were a bit unpleasant or that the TARDIS was just slightly bigger on the inside, and there had been entirely too many situations for Fitz's peace of mind that had been made infinitely worse by referring to the Doctor by name.

The alien, however, didn't seem fooled by Fitz's attempt at misdirection and replied with a cheerful smile. "Oh, you mean the Doctor? He should be receiving our ransom demand any time now."

Fitz blinked, wishing desperately for a cigarette. "Ransom demand? You're holding me hostage?"

The alien nodded eagerly. "Oh, yes. It's a great honor to be chosen as a hostage. You should be very proud." It glanced down at its clipboard. "It should only take someone of the Doctor's caliber a few days to retrieve everything we've asked for, and in the meantime you are free to enjoy the hotel's amenities. We pride ourselves on providing the most pleasant experience possible to our hostages."

At that last statement Fitz had to close his eyes and shake his head. Since leaving with the Doctor he'd gotten into some really strange situations, and this one was quickly climbing onto the top ten list. "You're holding me hostage in a fancy hotel, and I can come and go as I please?"

The alien nodded again. "As I said, it's an honor to be chosen as a hostage and we want to make your stay here as enjoyable as possible. The hotel is equipped with virtually anything you could possibly want, and so long as you do not leave the grounds you may go wherever you wish."

"And once the Doctor gets you all the stuff you wanted, you let us both go?"

"Of course." The alien looked highly affronted at the implication.

Fitz raised his hands in surrender, trying to calm the excitable alien down. "Sorry. It's just this isn't the kind of hostage-taking that I'm used to, is all. I didn't meant to offend you or anything."

The alien took a deep breath, holding its clipboard tightly in front of its chest. "I understand, Mr. Kreiner. Most other species aren't as civilized as we are, and I suppose it is entirely possible that you have had unpleasant experiences in the past. In that case, I would suggest that you change into something more appropriate and relax for a while by the pool."

Fitz watched as the alien moved towards a door that he hadn't noticed before and opened it, revealing a closet full of clothes that looked like they were about his size. Then the alien's last words registered and Fitz perked up.

"Did you say there was a pool?"

It smiled, teeth flashing. "Oh, yes. Complete with water slide."

That settled it. For a kidnapper the hamster-alien seemed quite nice, and Fitz was certainly due for a vacation. The Doctor couldn't blame him for taking a bit of time off from helping save the universe. Besides, they had a water slide.


End file.
